


Dance

by BlackHellKitty



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ballet, Branjie, Drama, F/F, Fluff, In later chapters - Freeform, Making Out, Maybe - Freeform, Romance, most of the time a feel good story, they are all real girls, trixya - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-02-04 15:15:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18607135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackHellKitty/pseuds/BlackHellKitty
Summary: Where Brooke is a prima ballerina, Vanjie is the cutest person on earth and Katya and Trixie ship them. A feel-good-ff because I love Branjie and you should too! :3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I really love RPDR and when the romance with Branjie started, it was clear as day that I would ship it as hard as one could ship something. And there are still too less FF's about the two. And although I love reading FF's of them as males, I felt more comfortable to write an FF with them as women. Maybe because I still feel strange about RPF... 
> 
> Anyway: To all those who read my FF "RuPaul's School for extraordinary Girls": I haven't given up on that FF. I will finish it, but this idea came into my mind and I really wanted to start writing Branjie. Please love me anyway. I promise that I will finish the other FF soon!

**Chapter 1**

 

For a ballerina Brooke had always been a bit tall. She better had become a model with her legs for days and curvy hips. But she had fought to become the ballerina she had always dreamed to be and she had become her.

 

Years ago when she had just started dancing at the big stages, she had been nervous as fuck, but nowadays she stayed cool as an ice block. The lights went on and with them the music and Brooke started to dance. It was the opening act of some modern play she was part of lately. Or to be more correct: A play she was the prima ballerina of.

 

Everything went smooth as always and Brooke really wasn’t nervous at all. That was as long as she couldn’t see the people in the audience. The lights from above saved her from it most of the time. That was until the end of the play when the lights in the audience also went on again and she could see the masses of people, cheering and sometimes even calling her name.

 

And normally she would smile and concentrate on a point on the far wall and be glad when the curtain would fall again. But not so today. Today she looked through the rows, searching for a special face.

 

She and Frank had been together since about two months now and she thought it was working out just fine. He was tall, taller than her (what didn’t happen often) and he often worked until late in his job as a manager, which meant he didn’t have to wait for her until she came home from the theatre. It had been years since Brooke had let someone into her live for longer than a single night and therefore showed her work to someone. The people she met with were mostly men she met at clubs or in the subway, never someone who had seen her dance. She just didn’t do that.

 

So it was new that someone was at the audience who knew her and her heart was pounding when she looked over the faces in front of her, looking for Frank. But with every row in which she couldn’t see him, her smile faded a bit more.

 

The curtain fell and the lights went out. The other dancers started to stroll from the stage into the backstage area to undress and get home or have a drink together at some bar. Back at her locker Brooke had a look at her phone. Frank surely sent her some text, explaining that he was sorry that he couldn’t come. That he had to work longer and do some important things. But there was no text. Slowly and depressed Brooke started to undress and put on her own clothes.

 

A cool hand touched her naked shoulder just before she could put on her shirt. When she turned, it was Katya, her best, if not only friend. She was a ballerina, too, fitting the picture of one much better with her small frame. “Hey, Lynny, everything alright?”, she asked, looking concerned. “Frank wasn’t here”, Brooke stated. Katya was the only one who called her by her second name, Lynn, sometimes. She had once said she liked it a lot and therefore decided to use it more on Brooke.

 

“Did he text you?”, Katya asked and Brooke shook her head. “Bastard”, Katya stated. “You’re too good for him anyway.” Brooke knew that Katya wanted to cheer her up, but she couldn’t give more than a half hearted smile anyway. “I really thought he cared”, Brooke said, finally putting on her shirt and closing her locker. “You know what?”, Katya asked. “I think we should go and have a drink.” “But it’s Wednesday. Your favourite show is on tonight”, Brooke objected.

 

Katya only shook her head. “My best friend is much more important”, she smiled and dragged Brooke with her out of the locker room.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

It was some weeks later when Brook walked through the park on her way to the theatre. It was an early summer afternoon, the sun shining down brightly, but the temperatures moderate and not too hot. She was early, giving herself the time to walk through the park, stocking up on some sunshine. She had quit with Frank the same night after coming home from drinking with Katya. His only response had been an ‘okay’ and Brooke had sworn to herself she wouldn’t let someone else into her life for the next months at least.

 

Brooke passed a group of young people. They had music on and some of them were dancing, doing little battles and always cheering for their friends. One girl caught her eye. She danced brilliantly, giving her all to win the battle she was in. She was petite and Brooke wondered how old she might be – it was difficult to tell. Her long dark blonde hair jumped to the beat she was jumping on and her muscular arms shimmered in a golden brown in the late afternoon sun.

 

When she was done and her friends cheered, the girl looked up from her end pose, meeting Brooke’s eyes. She smiled broadly at her, winking and Brooke hastily started to continue her walk.

 

It wasn’t as if she was prude. She knew many people who were gay. Especially in ballet a lot of the guys were and Katya was too. But Brooke had never tried to date someone of the same gender. And somehow this girl had made her heart jump in some way that scared her a little. Still she couldn’t stop thinking about that smile.

 

She still lingered in Brooke’s mind when she was done with practice and was back at home. And also on the next day. Finally, when she couldn’t stand it any longer, Brooke talked to Katya when they were done with practise.

 

“Kat? May I ask you something?” “Sure”, Katya said, getting her things together, not even looking up. “How did you realize you liked girls?”, Brooke asked. Now this made Katya look up finally. “Where does this come from?”, she laughed, but when she saw the serious expression on Brooke’s face, she stopped. “I don’t know”, she therefore then answered. “I think I always knew somehow. I never saw boys the way I saw girls. I always liked them, I think.” She shrugged. When Brooke wouldn’t answer she said: “But seriously. Where does this come from now?” Brooke sighed. “I don’t know. I think I was just curious.” Katya didn’t believe her fully, but she let the topic be.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

The next week Brooke went through the park again, hoping to see the girl again. She was lucky. This time the group wasn’t dancing, but chilling around one of the fountains, music blaring out a box and the boys and girls enjoying some bottles of beer or soda.

 

The girl was sitting together with another young girl, having her sitting between her spread legs. The other girl looked very young, leaning her head against the girl’s chest and stroking her leg. For some reason Brooke couldn’t put a finger on, her heart suddenly felt heavier. This’s silly, she told herself, when looking away and continuing her way to the theatre. But her steps were much more aggressive and the late sunlight suddenly didn’t seem that bright anymore.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

“I tell you, Lynn, it’s HER”, Katya told Brooke excitedly some days later when they had a coffee together before they had to get ready for the show. Katya was a bit of a special person. She believed in things like ghosts and gods and destiny. And therefore she had been looking for the one woman in her live for years.

 

“She’s got the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen and her hands! They are so soft and gentle and you should see her eyes. Blue with some spots of brown in them.” Katya had met the girl in some manicure-shop yesterday, texting Brooke the whole night about how perfect she was.

 

“But you haven’t talked to her yet”, Brooke gave more of a comment than a question. “I did talk to her. But it was… you know how I am. It was small talk but I couldn’t bring myself to ask her the real serious stuff.” “Like to ask her for a date.” Katya nodded, grabbing her hair and pulling her head down on it. “I hate myself for being like this.”

 

“Don’t”, Brooke said, grabbing one of Katya’s hands carefully and putting it away from her hair so that she looked up again. “If she likes you too, she’ll ask you, I’m sure”, Brooke said when Katya looked at her again. She smiled half-heartedly, not believing Brooke right now. “Just don’t give up hope”, Brooke added and now Katya nodded and looked a bit more confident. “I think I’m gonna get my nails done more often now”, Katya said, before standing up.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

Getting her nails done wasn’t really Brooke’s thing. But she went with Katya anyway the next time she went to the shop. Brooke had to talk Katya through it, before she was ready to finally go inside and meet the sweet girl again she had told Brooke about. Brooke was just the rear guard.

 

The girl was there indeed today and Brooke could tell how Katya’s heart melted right in front of her and building a puddle at the girl’s feet. She introduced herself as Trixie to Brooke and asked them both what they wanted done on their nails.

 

When Katya wouldn’t speak but only stared at the girl, Brooke chimed in. “I don’t want anything done, just keeping Katya company”, she smiled at Trixie. “Oh”, Trixie said happily and turned to Katya. “Are your nails already bad again?” They weren’t, but Katya mumbled that she wanted another colour.

 

Trixie looked at Brooke shortly, giving her a questioning look. Brooke shrugged and smiled and Trixie seemed to understand. “There’s a nice little bistro down the street”, she told her. “You can wait there if you like.” Brooke said she would, ignoring the freaked out glare from Katya. She winked at her friend, giving a thumps up when Trixie wasn’t looking.

 

Brooke went down the street. It was still early midday, but she decided to have a coffee anyway at the bistro. It was a cute little shop, flowers seemingly everywhere you looked and sweet little tables and chairs in French style. Brooke sat down outside, having a look into the menu that lay on the table.

 

“Hello, welcome at “Garden’s End. What may I bring you?”, a raspy voice asked. Brooke studied the card a moment longer to get the right number, before she looked up at the waitress. In her surprise, she nearly dropped the menu. It was the girl from the park, wearing a black dress and apron like a proper waitress, hair pulled back in a ponytail.

 

Brooke wasn’t one to lose her voice, but she had to clear her throat, before giving her order. The girl nodded and vanished inside. This gave Brooke some time to think about what had just happened and what she wanted to happen next. Obviously the girl hadn’t noticed her. Fine. She could let it be, not asking her about the street dance. Or she could ask her. But why? Brooke wasn’t gay. No she wasn’t. And why should she ask a complete stranger about her dancing?

 

The girl came out again, bringing the coffee Brooke had ordered, together with some cookies. “Fresh made this morning”, the girl said with her raspy voice, grinning before she left for another customer.

 

Brooke hadn’t ordered the cookies, but she accepted them, having a small bite, although she shouldn’t eat them. They tasted wonderful, chocolate melting on Brooke’s tongue and leaving her longing for more after the one cookie she allowed herself to have right now.

 

When Brooke was finished with her coffee, the girl came outside again to cash up. Her eyes fell onto the left cookies. “You didn’t like them?”, she asked, sounding a bit concerned. “I did. They taste heavenly. But I shouldn’t eat more”, Brooke smiled apologetically. The girl shortly thought about something, making a sweet concentrated face while doing so. “I can box them up for you”, she then suggested. Her expression was hopeful in some way and Brooke couldn’t but say yes.

 

In what seemed to be seconds the girl took the cookies inside and came out with a box again. “Have a nice day”, she said when Brooke left and Brooke thanked her and told her the same.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

Katya had been lucky as Brooke had assumed. Trixie had asked her for a date this weekend. They would meet to see a movie before Katya had to go to the theatre. Trixie liked Horror movies just as much as Katya did and Brooke was very happy for her friend.

 

“What do you have there?”, Katya asked, pointing at the box in Brooke’s hands. “Oh, this are some cookies. The waitress at the bistro gave them to me.” “You eat cookies? Since when?”, Katya asked, grabbing the box from Brooke even before she could protest. Sometimes Brooke thought it was unfair, for Katya seemed to be able to eat whatever she liked, not gaining weight at all, while Brooke had to be very strict with it.

 

“Look at THAT!”, Katya shouted, when she had opened the box. She fished something outside. It was a small note. “Looks like someone likes you”, she grinned, holding the note out to Brooke. On the note was a phone number and a xoxo. Brooke blushed. “Well, looks like it”, she said, putting the note into her bag and trying to look unfazed. Katya knew her better though, but she only smiled to herself, having some of the cookies from the box.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

It was evening when Brooke found the note in her bag again. She traced the numbers with her fingers, thinking about the girl and her raspy voice. So she had remembered Brooke. And she obviously wanted to talk to her.

 

Brooke felt a nervous tickle inside her stomach. She could just call the girl right now. Or text her as a beginning. Thanking her for the cookies and asking about her day. Telling her she liked her dancing. Brooke let herself fall onto her sofa. Did she really want to do this?

 

She couldn’t deny she liked the girl somehow. She moved something inside Brooke and made her feel all insecure and nervous. God, Brooke had been jealous of the girl in her lap the other day in the park. But could it be? Brooke had always just dated men in her life. Was it possible that she started to like girls with 33 years? Katya had said she had always knew. And Brooke also didn’t like any other women. This girl being the only one giving her those damn feelings.

 

“I don’t want a fucking relationship”, she decided, putting the number somewhere between the letters on her table and turning on the TV to distract herself.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

The next weeks were stressful. They were still playing the old play, but had to train and audition for the new one already. It was often that Brooke wasn’t home before three in the morning and had to leave at eight again.

 

To her surprise and delight, Brooke got the position as prima ballerina again and this time they would play at the bigger house of the theatre. That meant the main rolls would have rooms for themselves. “I’m really jealous”, Katya said when they visited the new rooms. “I would share with you, but I’m afraid Michelle doesn’t want this”, Brooke said and Katya waved it aside. “I know honey”, she said and placed a kiss on Brooke’s cheek. “I’m just jealous, because that means Trixie won’t be able to send me flowers or come in and make out with me after the show.” Katya grinned smugly.

 

She and Trixie had started something like a relationship. It was still new and fresh and they weren’t at the point of calling one another their girlfriend already, but Brooke thought it wouldn’t take much longer.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

To Brooke’s surprise, there was a small bouquet of flowers at her door after the premiere of her new play. First she thought it had been Katya, playing a trick on her or something. But Katya had been with her during the whole play and Trixie had been sitting in the audience.

 

Brooke took the flowers inside her room. There was a little note with them. ‘I couldn’t make it to the play, but have these anyway. You surely are the best prima ballerina. The poster were I got this information from is hanging in my room now by the way. Xoxo V.’

 

Brooke stared at the note. Although it had been only numbers before, she was sure this was the same handwriting from the note in the cookie box. She bit her lip and let it flop out slowly again. She had a look at the flowers. They were cheep flowers – Brooke could tell, but it was the nice touch that mattered. Her heart felt as if it wanted to crawl out of her chest, when she read the words again.

 

‘V’ had come to the theatre, delivering flowers for her. She had seen Brooke on the poster for the new show, recognized her and decided to hang that poster in her room. Brooke hadn’t thought about her really since the night after the cookie-box-incident as she kept on calling it.

 

Brooke got changed and took the flowers carefully before she headed outside. She took the back entrance, not wanting to meet too many people from the audience. There were always politicians and who knows whom at the premiere of a ballet and she hated talking to them.

 

When she was in her apartment about an hour later she searched between her letters on the table, until she found the little note with the phone number. She held it next to the letter that came with the flowers and the letters indeed seemed to come from the same writer.

 

Her fingers shook lightly, when she took her phone and typed in the number, together with a short message. ‘Thanks for the flowers’, she typed, hitting send before she could decide otherwise. The answer was almost immediate. ‘You’re very welcome.’ Another message: ‘And nice that you finally text me. Only took you several weeks and a bouquet from me.’ There was a winking emoji going with the text.

 

Brooke felt how her heart hammered against her chest. She felt like a teenager, flirting for the first time. She knew it was silly, but she couldn’t stop her feelings and thoughts running wild, while she texted with the girl.

 

‘Sorry. Was very busy.’

 

‘Who isn’t, mami? Would still like 2 meet u. Any chance u come 2 the park again?’

 

Brooke hesitated. She was charmed by the girl and everything she did for her, but she also had to think about a case from some years ago when a crazed fan had killed one of the ballerinas from her theatre.

 

But this girl wouldn’t do something like this. She had given the cookies to Brooke before she had known she worked as a ballerina. And the thing with the poster was maybe just a joke.

 

‘I’m gonna be there at about 2 pm on Thursday’, she typed back before she could decide otherwise and think more about the dead ballerina.

 

‘Gr8! See u then’, V sent, an orange heart accompanying the text.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

Thursday came much faster than Brooke had wanted it to come. She felt how nervousness spread in every body part of her when she stood in front of her mirror, trying on one outfit after the other, before deciding that this was stupid and dressed in her normal jeans and a button down in light green. She combed her short light blonde hair back as usual, finishing the look with her favourite big golden creoles.

 

The sun was bright, but Brooke had to close her jacket a bit tighter around herself, for the wind was cool and giving no illusion of summer anymore. There were less people in the park than there had been only some days ago, most of them preferring to sit inside the cafés and restaurants now and not taking a walk in the park or sitting by the fountains.

 

Not so the kids from V’s group. They were still outside, dancing again. When Brooke looked for V she couldn’t find her right away. “Hey”, a raspy voice came from behind her after a moment. She turned and V stood in front of her. She wore hot pants and a long sleeve, hair flying wildly around in the wind. “You came”, V stated, a small smile clued to her lips.

 

“I did”, Brooke replied. They looked at each other for some uncomfortable seconds, before V reached out her hand. “I’m Vanessa. But my friends call me Vanjie”, she introduced herself. Brooke took her hand. “Brooke Lynn”, she replied. “I know”, Vanessa smirked. From this near, she looked shyer than her loud raspy voice might hypothesize.

 

“You have time for a little walk?”, Vanessa asked and Brooke nodded. Together they started off, heading nowhere specifically.

 

“So you’re a ballet dancer. Since when do you dance?”, Vanessa asked, trying to start the conversation. “Since I’m little. I started when being at kindergarten and ever since it was all I did and wanted to do. But you dance too, don’t you?” Vanessa waved it aside. “It’s just a hobby. I love music and to move my body to it, but I never learned it.”

Vanessa told Brooke about her jobs. She not only worked at the little bistro. She also worked in a shop for clothes and after that late into the night in some bar. Brooke didn’t have to ask why, Vanessa just telling straight ahead. “It’s not like I’m dumb or something. I’m a clever girl. But I wasn’t very much into school and therefore I don’t get better offers. And one has to live in a town like this, right?”

 

Brooke understood what she meant. She had to work extra too when she hadn’t been a prima ballerina yet. Flats were expensive here. “No judging at all”, she therefore said, smiling at Vanessa who smiled back. “But you never tried for a scholarship in a dance company?” Vanessa shook her head. “My parents said dancing isn’t something to gain your money from. I disagreed, but when I came here I saw that indeed it wasn’t. Especially for someone from Puerto Rico like me. You can say what you want, but girls like you get those jobs much more easily.” Brooke wanted to say that this wasn’t true, but she felt that it was a topic Vanessa wasn’t comfortable with, so she let it be.

 

“In which bar do you work?”, she asked instead. Vanessa told her and Brooke promised she would come there tonight after theatre. She liked Vanessa and during their walk the butterflies had somehow eased and now Brooke thought that it could be possible that the two of them became friends in the future. Friends was something that fitted much better into her view of herself anyway.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

Brooke’s mind obviously thought different about that point. She had met with Vanessa after the theatre as promised, having a drink and a nice talk during Vanessa’s break. When Brooke was home, she had showered quickly to get into bed. She had to get up early tomorrow.

 

But she was lying awake, staring into the darkness of her room and thinking about Vanessa. She had a beautiful smile, all cheeky and clever, her dark brown eyes catching Brooke’s gaze and never letting it go completely. She was much smaller than Brooke, but nonetheless muscular and curvy in the right places. Brooke realized she liked Vanessa’s darker skin tone a lot and she imagined how it would look like when the early morning sun would fall onto it when they lay in bed together.

 

We won’t do that!, she chided herself by the thought, but she couldn’t stop thinking about it anyway. Slowly Brooke let a hand wander down her body, until she reached her panties. She pushed under the waistband, feeling the hair growing back down there since her last shave. When she reached out for her clit she squirmed under her own hand, when she imagined it to be Vanessa’s.

 

Brooke came quickly, never admitting that it was with Vanessa’s name on her lips. Oh god, where was this going to end?

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

Brooke and Vanessa kept on meeting before Brooke’s training. It was just during Vanessa’s break between two of her jobs so it fitted perfectly. They grew close quickly. Not because of Brooke that was. She was much too shy sometimes, but Vanessa was outgoing and told Brooke things that more than once made her blush.

 

At some point, Brooke put together all her courage and asked Vanessa about the girl she had seen her with in the park. “Oh, that’s Plastique. We know each other since I moved here. We’re just friends”, Vanessa added, when she saw Brooke’s slightly afraid gaze. “Really”, she said again when Brooke seemed to hold her breath.

 

“I like you much more”, she continued. They had stopped in front of some shop window not far from the theatre. Brooke was unsure what she should reply to that. She liked Vanessa, too. A lot that was. But she still wasn’t sure what she felt for her. Her head told her that they only should be friends, but her pussy told her otherwise whenever she masturbated and thought of Vanessa late at night.

 

“I’m not sure what I feel for you, Vanjie”, Brooke said honestly after some moments of thinking. It would be unfair to lie to Vanessa. “I think I knew this already”, Vanessa said, but she smiled. “But I will try to help you with your decision.” And with that she bent forward and upwards, until she reached Brooke’s lips and she pressed a light kiss against her mouth.

 

Her lips were soft and warm and Brooke was too shocked to react fast enough to kiss back or pull back. Vanessa let go of her, turning to the other direction. “See you tomorrow”, she waved goodbye to Brooke and off she went.

 

“What was thaaat?”, a well known voice asked, coming from the direction of the theatre. It was Katya. Brooke blushed. “That, erm, was a friend”, Brooke tried, but blushed even more when Katya gave her the I-don’t-believe-a-single-word-you-say look. “Looked much more like a VERY good friend. Who is she? Don’t tell me she’s the cookie-girl.”

 

Brooke hadn’t told Katya about Vanessa. She had been busy enough with Trixie the past weeks and when they met, most of the time Katya told about her new relationship and sometimes totally forgetting to ask Brooke how she was.

 

“Yes, she is”, Brooke confessed and Katya made a loud “Ha!”, that made Brooke wince in light shock. “I knew it! Why did it take so long? Have you kissed already? Oh stupid me, you just have. Have you made out? Tell me everything! Since when are you a lesbian now?”, Katya bubbled like a waterfall.

 

“I’m not a lesbian”, Brooke said embarrassed, her cheeks a dark crimson now. An old couple turned and looked at her in light shock. Obviously Brooke hadn’t said it but shouted it at Katya. “Get over it. It’s the 21st century”, Katya told the couple who turned and walked away.

 

“So you haven’t…?”, Katya tried again, a bit less like an exploding firework-transporter now. “No. This… I wasn’t expecting her to kiss me. Not like this, like here, like at all”, Brooke explained. “She gave you her number, honey. Of course she wants to kiss you”, Katya stated as it was clear as day. And maybe it was, but for Brooke it hadn’t been.

 

When they went inside, she told Katya about her uncertainty. Katya nodded to everything, but when Brooke had ended her story she said: “You should try it. She’s a sweet little girl. She obviously has a crush on you. I mean she sent you flowers. Trixie’s never done that. Okay, therefore she bakes the world’s best cookies and she always waits with dinner until I’m at hers, but anyway. This Vanjie likes you, Lynny. You’re 33. If you don’t try it now you may never will.”

 

Brooke considered her friends encouraging words and she had to admit, that it wouldn’t hurt indeed to at least try it.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

When she and Vanjie met the next time it was a bit awkward. They both weren’t sure if they should hug as usual or if they should kiss. They ended up with a peck on the cheek.

 

“I’m sorry if that was too straight forward”, Vanessa said after a while. Brooke blushed. “I… It was okay. If you hadn’t done it, we may have never kissed at all”, she confessed. Vanessa looked at her. “So you liked it?”, she asked, sounding unsure of the situation and Brooke’s words. Brooke nodded. “It’s… I just have never been together with a… a girl”, she said, looking down at the ground.

 

Vanessa lifted her chin with a finger and made Brooke look at her. “Don’t think about that too much. It’s us, okay? Don’t think about me being a woman. Think about me being me”, she tried. Brooke thought about this for a moment and decided that she liked that thought.

 

“I have free time this weekend”, she then addressed. “Maybe we can… I don’t know. I don’t want to call it a date…” Vanessa smiled broadly. “I’d love to. I have to work in the bistro until Saturday afternoon. After that I’m free, too.”

 

They agreed on meeting in the park. It was their usual point to meet and it was somewhere in the middle between their apartments.

 

This evening Brooke felt the steps come to her much easier than normally. She felt light and when the curtain closed, she couldn’t wait to get home and get up tomorrow.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

It was a beautiful day when Brooke wandered through the park, waiting for Vanjie. Without thinking about it she practised some steps on the soft natural ground, earning some glances from people around. But Brooke didn’t notice them, totally caught in her own act.

 

She only looked around when someone applauded. It was Vanessa. She looked at Brooke from some feet away, grinning broadly. “I saw some videos on YouTube, but I had no idea how it would look in real life”, she said and Brooke blushed, just then realizing that she had danced in a park in front of everyone. Being seen like this was something totally different than being on stage.

 

“How was work?”, she asked Vanessa to change the topic, going over to her to hug her as a greeting. “It was alright. I got some tips together this week. Party!”, she joked and Brooke laughed shortly. “Where do you wanna go?”, she then asked.

 

“I don’t know. I thought you had a plan. The date was your idea after all”, Vanessa winked and Brooke remembered how nervous she was by the mention of the word ‘date’. “Wherever you wanna go.” As on demand, far thunder could be heard. “What do you think of going to yours and have some pizza together with a nice movie?”, Vanjie suggested.

 

Brooke could do that. It sounded nice to have an afternoon to them alone. So they went to her flat. She lived at the east side of town. It wasn’t the richest part, but also not the poorest. Brooke liked her flat a lot. It was the top flat right under the penthouse and therefore had a great few over the city.

 

While Brooke went to the open kitchen to get them some wine, Vanjie strode through the flat, looking around. When Brooke joined her in the living room, giving her one of the glasses, Vanessa declared: “I’ve never been in such an elegant flat. I love it.” Brooke was taken aback a little, but she smiled and thanked Vanjie. They clinked glasses and sat down on the sofa.

 

“So what do you wanna wat-“, Brooke began, but Vanessa was already on her, pressing her lips against Brooke’s in a heated kiss, nearly spilling the wine. “Fuck, I wanted to do this since I saw you the first time”, she breathed against Brooke’s lips. Vanjie sat over her, straddling her hips while kissing Brooke silly.

 

It was much and it was new, but Brooke had never been one to say something against the prospect of sex. She liked sex. She was only unsure about sex with a woman. “Shit, you’re so gorgeous”, Vanjie breathed huskily. She suddenly stopped, looking Brooke dead in the eye. “Let me make you feel good”, she asked absolutely unashamed.

 

Brooke felt how her insides churned in excitement. She had imagined this a hundred times at night in bed. She had made herself come with Vanjie’s name on her lips and imagined her mouth on her pussy. Now she could have it and Brooke would be a fool to say no.

 

She was nervous nonetheless and Vanjie felt it, when she pushed her down slowly. “You alright? We can just watch a movie”, she said and began to sit up again, but Brooke stopped her. “I’m just a little nervous”, she confessed.

 

Normally she wasn’t one to confess weakness. If you showed weakness as a ballerina no one would pick you. But Vanessa brought this to the surface and Brooke just felt that she could be as vulnerable as she liked when being with her. “I have you, just relax”, Vanessa said and started to kiss her again. Slower this time and deeper.

 

Vanessa’s hands wandered over Brooke’s tall body, exploring every inch of her. Her hands were warm and soft and Brooke moaned when Vanessa opened her bra and started to knead her breasts. She wandered deeper, leaving a trail of wet kisses along Brooke’s stomach, until she reached the waistband of her skirt. She looked up. “Are you already wet?”, she asked coquettishly. Brooke blushed and squirmed at the same time, nodding eagerly. “Good”, Vanjie grinned and down she went, pushing up Brooke’s skirt.

 

She mouthed Brooke’s wet pussy through her panties first and Brooke felt that she wouldn’t last long at all. Vanessa tortured her only a little, before she pushed down Brooke’s panties. The cool air hit Brooke’s wet pussy when she opened her legs wider to give Vanjie better access. “Oh my god”, she breathed out in light shock, when Vanessa went straight for her, pushing her tongue in without a warning. With her fingers she played with Brooke’s clit, pressing and playing with it just right.

 

As feared before, Brooke came quickly, pushing Vanessa’s hand away from her clit, not able to take any more in the moment. She breathed heavily, before her pulse went slower again and Brooke was able to open her eyes. Vanessa was right over her and she pulled her down without thinking about it, pressing her lips against hers, tasting herself on Vanessa’s tongue.

 

“You liked that?”, Vanessa asked with a grin when they parted for air. “Are you kidding?”, Brooke laughed and pulled her in for another kiss. When Brooke was dressed again, she looked at Vanjie unsure. “You don’t have to do me, mami, ‘is alright”, she said, giving Brooke the sweetest smile. Brooke blushed lightly. “But you… It would only be fair and…”, she started to babble, but Vanessa stopped her with a hand on her shoulder and a look in her eyes that was very serious. “Listen, Brooke. I really like you. I would do anything for you, I think. And I’m sure you like me, too. At least a bit.” “A great bit”, Brooke confessed and Vanessa smiled, a bit of the hardness of her expression melting away. “But you’ve never been with a woman”, she continued, “I can understand that you’re nervous. And I will give you all the time in the world.” She bent forward and placed a kiss on Brooke’s forehead. Brooke would find that a bit awkward when another younger and shorter person would do this, but it was Vanjie and so she just melted into it.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

“A Halloween-Party?”, Vanessa smiled broadly. “I LOVE Halloween”, she squealed. Brooke hadn’t been so sure about it. Katya had invited her. Trixie was giving the party and she had told Katya to bring her friend and this mysterious girlfriend. “That’s what Trix had called her, not me”, Katya had grinned.

 

The ‘mysterious girlfriend’ and Brooke had met three more times since their first real date. Vanjie had kept her promise and gave Brooke all the time she needed. She had fingered Brooke one other night, making her come quickly again, while she had fingered herself, too. Brooke had loved the expression on Vanjie’s face when she had come and the wish to put that expression onto her face by her own, grew with every passing day.

 

They were both busy, so there was only time for a coffee and the talk about the invitation right now, so Brooke had to be satisfied with the kiss, Vanessa was pressing to her lips. Until now she had gotten used to the kisses, even out in the open.

 

“I’m gonna pick you up at yours and we’re gonna take the subway to Trixie’s”, Brooke said and Vanessa nodded, already deep in thought about her costume. “Luv you, babe”, she said when they parted without thinking about it much, leaving a totally gobsmacked Brooke behind.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

The words lingered long in Brooke’s head. Vanjie had told her that she loved her. It had been without thinking about it though. But things that came out of your mouth without thinking about them, were most of the time true.

 

It made Brooke think about her own feelings the next days. She really liked Vanjie. She liked her a lot. And she wanted to make her feel good and Brooke knew that Katya would grin like an idiot if she told her about this.

 

Brooke tried on several things over the week, not sure what to wear for the party. She wanted to look her best for Vanjie, but also didn’t want to overdress. It was a house-party after all. She tried out sexy mummy, then evil but beautiful witch, before she ended up with a black dress and a headpiece with a snake, giving black widow realness. She liked the look and finally decided for it. The dress accented her long body and the pale make-up made her look like one of the rich women from old movies.

 

When Halloween came she went to Vanessa’s flat. Just when she was there she realized she’d never been at hers before. The neighbourhood was one of the meagre ones, the houses old and homeless people on the streets. Brooke wasn’t afraid. She wasn’t looking particularly rich or anything, but she had walked a bit quicker anyway.

 

Vanjie opened the door when she rang. She looked stunning. Her skin war partly green, matching the costume. On her head was a gravestone and several plastic cockroaches were glued to her body. She was a beautiful witch. Slightly creepy, but oh so beautiful. “Hey”, Vanessa greeted Brooke in her raspy voice, tiptoeing to reach her lips for a little kiss. “Hey”, Brooke greeted back, smiling at her.

 

“Come in, I’ll be ready in a minute”, Vanessa said, pulling Brooke inside. The flat was small and shabby. There were several doors and Brooke could hear voices coming out from one of them. Vanesa put on her shoes and then went over to this door. Putting her head inside she said: “I’ll be gone now. See you tomorrow.” Several voices answered, wishing her a nice evening.

 

When Brooke and Vanjie were outside, heading for the subway, Brooke couldn’t but ask. “I didn’t know you were living with someone.” Vanessa looked at her, than to the ground when she answered. “Well yeah. I thought you might have guessed that until now. It’s some sort of flat share. We’re 3 people officially, but most of the time there are more. Friends coming over and so on.” She tried to make it sound fun and easy, but Brooke could hear the shameful undertone. She didn’t want to talk about her situation.

 

Now that it lay so clear in front of Brooke she chided herself for not realizing it earlier. She had known the address quite a while and she knew that Vanessa was working three jobs anyway to afford the flat. Brooke felt bad and foolish about her question. She wanted to say sorry, but how? So she didn’t say anything, just continuing their way to the subway.

 

Trixie lived a bit outside of the town. They had to take a bus after the subway to get to hers. When they rang it was Katya who opened the door. Katya wore some vampire or witch outfit (Brooke really couldn’t tell). “Happy Halloweeiner”, Katya greeted them, pulling them both into a hug. Trixie appeared behind her, doing the same. “Welcome to my house and my party. Feel at home and help yourself with anything you like”, she greeted them. Brooke could tell that Katya was holding back a cheeky comment when she followed the two of them into the living room.

 

The house wasn’t big, but it was a house with a garden and Brooke wondered how Trixie could afford it, but she didn’t know a lot about her yet.

 

Inside the living room were already some people. It were all women and Brooke realized that most of them were sitting closer than one would do with a normal friend. Trixie introduced them to Brooke and Vanessa. Most of them were friends from school or college, some were friends of friends. Two of them who wore particularly scary costumes, Sharon and Alaska, made space for Brooke and Vanjie to sit with them.

 

The party went easily, although it was Vanessa talking most of the time. Brooke sat with her, holding her hand and listening to her friend’s prominent voice. Some hours, cocktails and a lot of talking later Brooke went to the bathroom. When she came out again, Vanessa stood right in front of the door. “Care for some fresh air?”, she asked and Brooke followed her willingly outside into the little garden that belonged to the house.

 

“You alright?”, Vanessa asked concerned, when they were outside in the darkness. She had a hand on Brooke’s arm, rubbing it slightly. “Yeah, I’m fine”, Brooke said, but only able to give a half smile. “You were awfully quiet the whole evening”, Vanessa pointed out. “I’m not a people’s person. I don’t speak a lot with so many people around.” Vanjie thought about it for a moment, studying Brooke’s face. “But it’s not only that. I can’t get rid of the feeling you’re trying to work something out in your mind. What is it?”

 

Brooke let out a long sigh. It was true. She was trapped inside her mind, thinking about too many topics at once. One was Vanjie’s living circumstances, especially compared to Trixie’s house right now. Then there was still the question about her own feelings. Or to be more correct: Brooke’s fear of just accepting them and telling Vanjie what she wanted to tell her so badly.

 

“I… I don’t know, I wanted to… I’m always thinking about you and-“ Before Brooke could continue the door to the garden opened and Trixie came outside. “There you are”, she said cheerily, coming over. She had drank a good amount of alcohol until now, looking a bit tipsy. “We wondered where you two were. We want to play a game inside. You come join us?” She totally missed that there was a tension between Brooke and Vanessa and that she had interrupted something.

 

“Yeah, we’ll be with you in a minute”, Vanessa grinned. “Excellent”, Trixie sing-songed and went back into the house. “What did you want to say?”, she then asked Brooke, looking up at her. But the moment of bravery was gone. “Not important”, Brooke said. She could tell by Vanjie’s expression that she didn’t believe her, but she didn’t ask again. Instead she took Brooke’s hand in hers tightly, when they went inside.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

They sat in the last subway home some hours later. Vanjie had taken off the gravestone headpiece, leaning her head against Brooke’s shoulder. Their hands were joined somewhere under all the material of their dresses. “You wanna come to my place?”, Brooke asked after an awful long time of silence. Vanessa nodded without looking up. Instead she nestled closer.

 

They arrived sometime after four in the morning, the first hints of day already painting the sky. Brooke closed the curtains in her bedroom, helping Vanessa with getting rid of her green makeup. Vanessa was nearly falling asleep, sitting at the rim of the bathtub and Brooke smiled at her. “Come on, baby, time for bed.” Vanessa let Brooke help her with her clothes. When Brooke took off her dress, she revealed beautiful green lingerie underneath. Vanjie realized the hesitation and Brooke’s light stare. “Oh, damn, I wanted to show you these when having fun in bed”, she mumbled tiredly. It sent a pang to Brooke’s lower half and she gulped. “It’s alright. You can still wear it tomorrow”, she said and Vanessa nodded, falling into bed, as soon as she stood close enough.

 

Brooke joined her from the other side, taking Vanessa into her arms. Maybe she wasn’t able to tell her what she felt, but she wanted to show her. So she snuggled close, kissing Vanessa’s hair and neck. “G’d night, mami”, Vanessa mumbled, already half asleep. “Good night, Vanessa”, Brooke whispered back, pulling her to her body a little closer.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

Brooke awoke by an eager hand, searching for the entrance into her panties the next morning. “Good morning”, Vanessa grinned, when Brooke looked at her bewildered but still sleepily. “What’cha doin’?”, she mumbled, hiding her eyes with her arm against the bright sun shining through the curtains. “I’m catching up on what I was too tired to do yesterday”, Vanjie said with a husky voice, bending forward to steel a kiss from Brooke.

 

Vanessa pushed lightly at Brooke’s shoulder to make her lie down on her back, reaching down to pull down her panties completely, but Brooke stopped her. “Wait”, she said and Vanessa looked at her in light fear of doing something wrong. But Brooke sat up and grabbed her shoulders instead, pushing Vanjie down into the rumpled sheets. “Let me”, she said and a visible shudder went through Vanessa’s body.

 

When Brooke had pulled down her green panties, Vanessa opened her legs more to give Brooke better access. A bit hesitant Brooke reached one hand between Vanjie’s legs, probing the feeling of her fingers against her pussy. Vanessa had to hold back a moan, but her thighs twitched nonetheless. Propped up on one elbow, lips close to Vanessa’s, Brooke continued. Slowly and carefully she stroked Vanessa, massaging her clit, before pushing a finger inside. It felt new to her. She knew her own pussy of course, but Vanessa’s was, although it was so similar, so very different.

 

Anyway she tried what she liked herself and also what she had seen Vanessa do to herself before. Soon enough and three fingers deep inside, Vanessa was squirming under Brooke, pulling her into a deep kiss. “Yes, oh my god, Brooke, please I… ple…ase”, she moaned against Brooke’s lips and Brooke could feel how Vanjie’s muscles worked around her fingers. She gave just a little more pressure to Vanjie’s clit and then she came, shuddering and screaming silently underneath her.

 

Brooke had realized this before, that Vanjie was particularly quiet in the bedroom, while she herself could get very loud sometimes and she adored it. She bent down and kissed Vanessa. “Was this okay?”, she asked when she could talk again. “Okay?”, Vanessa asked breathily and laughed. “This was fucking amazing. Especially for your first try”, she added and stole another kiss from Brooke, before sitting up. “Come on, mami, I’m hungry. Let’s have breakfast.” And with that she stood up, all bra and no panties and went for Brooke’s kitchen.

 

And so Brooke still didn’t know what to say, but at least she knew that she liked making Vanessa come.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go with chapter two! 
> 
> It got a lot darker than I wanted it to go in the beginning, but I'm afraid that's because of what Branjie did to us the past week...   
> There will be a happy end anyway - promise! 
> 
> This chapter contains some things that might be a trigger to someone - please read the warnings at the end of the chap if you think you can't handle too much drama.

**Chapter 2**

 

Things could have been good after that but of course it got more complicated. The morning with Vanjie had been great and Brooke was still a bit flashed about it. She and Vanessa had had breakfast after their little session. After that, they had enjoyed a beautiful day together. They had wandered through the park, had eaten ice cream and after Brooke had invited Vanessa for dinner they had had another session of hot but still emotional sex.

The day had passed much too quickly, and soon enough Brooke found herself in front of Vanjie's door. “I'm afraid I have to go inside now“, Vanessa said. “I enjoyed this weekend very much“, Brooke replied. “Me too“, Vanjie grinned. She bent forward and placed a kiss on Brook’s cheek. “You still not sure if you like girls?“, she asked with that wicked little smile of hers plastered across her lips. Brooke smiled. “I think you know the answer“, she whispered when she leaned in to press a feather light kiss on Vanjie's lips. From inside they could hear loud voices. Someone was having an argument. Vanessa already rolled her eyes. “I better get inside for real now“, she said, although her eyes didn't leave Brooke's. “See you tomorrow in the park?”, Brooke asked instead of asking what she really wanted to ask. She didn't like the thought that Vanjie was living between someone who fought. She wanted her to be safe and have the living circumstances she deserved to have. That was to live in a small house with a small garden and hopefully with Brooke at her side. But that was only a dream that wouldn't fulfil as fast as Brooke wanted it to. “I'm gonna wait for you as always“, Vanjie answered and placed another short kiss on Brook’s lips before she turned and went inside.   


……………………………………………………………..

“And I thought it was me who wasn't good with words“, Katya stated when Brooke told her about the weekend during their training. Brooke sighed. Katya waited a moment but when she realised, that Brooke wouldn't say something to that she switched the topic. “Trixie slept until about 4 o’clock yesterday. And even then it had been me who did most of the work to rebuild her house after you girls destroyed it the other night.“ Brooke snorted. “I think Trixie wasn't completely innocent in that“, she grinned at her friend. Playfully Katya threw her towel at Brooke, who caught it and commented, “Gross!", but was laughing anyway.   


……………………………………………………………..

The days passed quickly and soon enough it got too cold outside to meet in the park during Vanjie's breaks and before Brooke Lynn's work. They met in a little café instead for about two weeks with Brooke always getting them something to drink even before Vanjie could show up. The first few times Vanessa was charmed by it, but during the second week she put a hand over Brooks, before she could pull out the money. "Let me“, she said and gave a little smile. “But -“,

Brooke wanted to protest, being stopped by Vanjie, shaking her head lightly. “I'm not poor", she stated in a quiet voice, not wanting everybody to hear. Brooke blushed slightly and put her money back into her bag. Vanjie paid, before she turned back to Brooke. Gently she took her hands in hers and stroked over her long fingers with her thumps. “I know you only mean well“, she said, “but it... “, she sighed, “I don't know, it makes me feel bad“, she finished and shook her head. When Brooke looked up at her, Vanessa was staring down at the table herself. "I can ask if we could meet inside my room before my training", Brooke suggested. Vanjie looked up at her and smiled, although the smile was a bit weak. “I just don't want to stop seeing you every day because of the damn money“, she confessed. “Because you know what? I love you Brooke Lynn Hytes.“

 

Brooke felt a bang in her chest by these words, spoken in Vanessa’s raspy voice. And to her own surprise, she replied: “I love you too, Vanj." The smile on Vanjie's face that had been a little sad beforehand, now turned into the biggest and brightest smile Brooke had ever seen in her life. It was then, that the big clock from the tower in the park told them, that it was about time for both of them to get to work. “I will text you, what Michelle says“, Brooke promised Vanjie, before they headed outside and parted ways.   


……………………………………………………………..

 

It was as if someone had recoloured the world after that. Although the sky was grey, Brooke felt light-hearted and she smiled at everybody who crossed her way. Katya recognized it first of course, but she didn’t comment on it, just smiling at her friend, already knowing what must have happened. Michelle did allow Brooke to bring Vanjie with her before the training. “But only if she leaves the minute you start to work. I can’t work with a prima ballerina who is distracted by something”, she warned and Brooke said she would do anything Michelle asked of her. When she called Vanjie this evening to tell her, she was delighted as well and they both looked forward to the next day.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

When Vanjie showed up, she had dark rings under her eyes, looking as if she would fall asleep right on the spot. “Hell, what happened to you?”, Brooke asked when she let her in and guided her to her room. “Mike had had an overdose last night”, she said, falling into the chair that was in one corner of Brooke’s room, looking as if passing out any moment. “Oh my god, why’s that?”, Brooke asked, looking concerned at Vanessa, sitting down at the arm of the chair, stroking her hair and arms. She didn’t know much about the people Vanessa lived with, although they were okay most of the time. Vanessa had told her about Mike before. He was the one she was closest to in their flat share.

 

“Mike has problems with his work and I don’t know when he started with this shit, but it’s a while ago now. I don’t know what happened exactly, but we heard a thud last night when we all were just about to go to bed and then we found him in his room. I… I will never forget this sight…”, Vanessa said and she shuddered visibly. “Have you called an ambulance?”, Brooke asked. Vanessa looked at her in shock. “You insane?”, she asked and shook her head. “That shit is illegal, Brooke. We would have all gone to jail for letting him bring this into our flat.” “Oh”, Brooke mumbled, blushing lightly and chiding herself for being so overcredulous. “What did you do?”, she then asked and Vanessa told her how they had made him vomit and then called a guy who knew how to deal with someone who had an overdose.

 

“I only got to bed for about half an hour. I don’t know how to survive until two tonight”, Vanessa said. “You can nap here. Have at least the rest of this hour until you have to go to the bar”, Brooke suggested. “But it’s our hour”, Vanjie said and sounded a bit whiney. Brooke took her face between her hands. “I like to watch you sleep, don’t worry about it”, she said and placed a kiss on Vanessa’s nose. Then she stood up and gave Vanessa one of the big towels as some kind of blanket and before she could place some more pillows underneath her head, Vanessa was fast asleep.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

About three wonderful weeks later Brooke had to skip an afternoon with Vanessa because Michelle wanted to talk to her. It was not often that Michelle ordered one of the girls into her office. She was the manager of them, overlooking everything in the theatre.

 

When Brooke walked into her office, Michelle looked up from her paperwork. “Ah, there you are. Please close the door.” Brooke did and then went over to sit down in front of the desk. “I’m sorry you had to come in earlier, but I want to discuss something with you. There is a new dancer coming for the next campaign. Her name is Alyssa Edwards, maybe you heard of her?” Of course Brooke had heard of her. Alyssa was a star in the internet and many theatres had wanted her to dance for them the past months. “The thing is the theatre can’t afford a hotel for the whole time she will be with us. As you are our prima ballerina, I wondered if she could stay at yours for this time. I know it’s asked much, but I hope you can help us. We would give you more money of course”, Michelle added.

 

Brooke was a bit taken aback by this. On one hand, it was a great chance to get to know Alyssa and be able to train and talk with her for several weeks. On the other hand, her flat was the only place where she and Vanessa could have some time alone. “I don’t want to push you, but I need the decision now”, Michelle said, before Brooke could even ask for some time to think about it. “Alright”, she therefore answered. Damn, it was a great chance. Vanessa would understand it.

 

When she told Vanessa that evening on the phone, she said she was happy for Brooke and that it was a great chance. Brooke was glad she thought the same and promised her that they would meet every day anyway and that Alyssa wouldn’t stand between them. If Brooke could have seen Vanessa’s face though, she would have seen that she wasn’t okay with it at all, in fact, wiping away some tears.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

Alyssa was a great personality, taking a lot of room in Brooke’s life as soon as she arrived. And Brooke was glad to give this room to Alyssa, admiring her a lot. She didn’t realize at all that she spent less and less time with Vanessa.

 

It was in the weeks before Christmas, that Vanessa finally had enough. When she met with Brooke that afternoon, she sat down in the chair in her dressing room, arms crossed and waiting for Brooke to close the door. She permanently told her about Alyssa and the friendship they had established and it was only when Vanessa wouldn’t reply at all, that Brooke stopped and looked at her for real for the first time in weeks. “What?”, Brooke asked. She didn’t know what it was, but she knew she didn’t like the expression on Vanjie’s face.

 

Vanessa was looking grim, pouting. “I would tell you if you ever stopped talking about this Alyssa”, she snapped and Brooke felt how the air was radiating around Vanessa. “What is this now? Are you jealous? You know I don’t look at her that way. She’s my colleague”, Brooke replied, a little anger rising inside her. What was this all about? If Vanessa wasn’t okay with her spending time with Alyssa, then why hadn’t she said something before?

 

“You know what? This is silly. I should just go”, Vanessa said and stood up in a harsh movement, stomping towards the door. Brook lay a hand on the door, not letting Vanessa out. “No. You tell me what’s going on. Why are you like this all of a sudden? You were okay with Alyssa living at mine as long as she is here.”

 

“And you promised that it wouldn’t change anything between us!” Vanessa nearly screamed. Her chest was rising and falling wildly and Brooke could see the hints of tears in the corners of her eyes. Brooke just looked at her, stunned by the sudden explosion of feelings. Vanjie hadn’t said anything the past weeks. When they had met everything had seemed fine to Brooke Lynn and yeah, she wasn’t writing her that often the past weeks, but that was normal for couples wasn’t it? They just stopped doing this after a few months.

 

Were they a couple?

 

The question hit Brooke with full force. Never, in all the time since they had started meeting, she had called Vanessa her girlfriend. And as far as she could remember, Vanessa hadn’t either.

 

Brooke Lynn was overwhelmed by the situation and didn’t know how to react, so she reacted in the only way she was able to react right now: She snapped back. “Nothing has changed. What is wrong with you, Vanessa? You’re acting like a child.” An angry tear ran down Vanessa’s face. “Maybe that’s because you never talk to me. You stopped writing in the evenings, we stopped calling. Yeah, we meet nearly every day but I don’t get to talk to you. At least not for real. You talk about her all the goddamn time! You see her everyday nearly the whole time. I miss you!” Vanessa was shaking and Brooke should take her into her arms and kiss her and apologize, but she couldn’t. Right now she just couldn’t. “I need my freedom, Vanessa. Can’t you understand that?”, she replied. She felt betrayed right now, not able to understand or willing to do so. Why couldn’t Vanessa understand her? This was THE chance for Brooke to also become a star.

 

“I think I do understand”, Vanessa said and her voice was barely more than a whisper. She pushed Brooke’s hand aside from the door and opened it, vanishing without another word.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

That evening Brooke totally messed up the show, missing her entry several times. Alyssa covered it all up perfectly though.

 

“What is wrong with you?”, Katya came to Brooke Lynn after the show. Brooke only shook her head. “I’ve fucked up”, she said. She couldn’t even cry, feeling numb inside. “You had an argument with Vanessa”, Katya stated, knowing her friend all too well. Brooke was silent.

 

“Lynny, that’s not a reason to be that upset. It’ll get better. You see, Trixie and I just had an argument the other week and-“ Brooke stopped her. “It wasn’t just an argument, Kat. This was final. I fucked up completely.”

 

Katya looked down at her friend who had sat down on one of the benches in the backstage area. “I’m sure she-“ “No!”, Brooke cut in again, making Katya shut up. “I fucked up and this is it.” In this moment Alyssa came in and over to them. “What happened to you?”, she asked Brooke Lynn, not even aware that she crashed a conversation.

 

“My thoughts were running wild, sorry, Alyssa”, Brooke said. She stood up and looked at Katya with a gaze that made sure that Katya shouldn’t try again. Like a child Katya crossed her arms in front of her chest, but she didn’t reply anything, just glaring at Brooke some more seconds, before she vanished with Alyssa in their private dressing rooms.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

_Trixie’s phone rang. She put the concept aside she was working on. Soon enough she would sell her own make-up products and she was so excited about it. It was already late and she wondered who would call her that late. Katya was already at home. They had just wrote some minutes ago, Katya wishing Trixie a good night, so it couldn’t be her._

_When Trixie looked at the display, it was Alaska’s number. “Hi Lasky”, she answered, not able to leave the bewilderment out of her voice. “Hey Trix. You good?”, Alaska asked and Trixie could tell immediately that she was drunk. “Yeah, I am. How about you?”_

_“Fine, fine”, Alaska replied. “Listen, I know it’s strange, but I’m concerned about that one girl that was at the Halloween Party. Forgot her name. Something with V…” “Vanessa?”, Trixie asked and she felt a bit alarmed right away. “Yeah, that one. You know I thought she wasn’t the type of doing drugs or something, but D, Willam and I just saw her behind one of the clubs. She looked like a mess, girl. Now really”, Alaska told Trixie._

_Trixie hated the fact that Alaska was still meeting with this Willam. She was not good for her and Alaska knew it. But she was still not over the fact that Sharon had left her again and Trixie could understand her at least a bit and as long as she was together with Detox it was fine. Detox was a friend of both of them and she was having an eye on Alaska most of the time, making sure that she wasn’t taking any shit or running in front of a car when drunk._

_But what about Vanessa? Katya had told her about an argument that Brooke Lynn and Vanessa must have had and that Brooke Lynn had fucked up the show afterwards. But she hadn’t thought it was that bad._

_“What happened to her? Do you know where she is right now?”, Trixie asked concerned. Alaska told her the address. It wasn’t far from Katya’s, so Trixie thanked Alaska, told her to be safe and not drink too much, before she called Katya again._

_Katya had already gone to bed, answering the call with a yawn. “Whas goin on?”, she mumbled sleepily and Trixie knew she was rubbing her eyes like she always did when she awoke. “We have an emergency”, Trixie said and Katya was right awake. “What? What happened? You alright, honey?” She sounded so concerned that it warmed Trixie’s heart. “Yes, I’m fine. It’s about Vanessa.”_

_She told Katya what she had been told by Alaska and Katya said she would dress immediately and look for her. While she was already trying to get into her pants, she asked: “Should I call Brooke?” Trixie thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know. I think maybe not. She will never forgive herself otherwise. Have a look. Maybe it’s not too bad?” She knew she sounded too hopeful and that it had to be bad when Alaska called her about it, but she wanted to believe it anyway._

_“Alright, I write to you when I have news”, Katya replied and then they ended the call with a quick “I love you”._

……………………………………………………………..

_When Vanessa opened her eyes, she didn’t know where she was. What she knew was that her head was killing her and that her arms felt too heavy. Slowly she blinked, trying to get a better vision._

_An ugly green wall was the first thing she could make out. When she turned her head slowly, she saw some machines next to her bed, several cables and tubes connected to her body. When she turned her head to the other side she could see Katya. What was she doing here?_

_Slowly the memories came back. She had been crying. It had been two days since she had run out of Brooke’s dressing room. Two days since she had waited for a call, a message, anything. Two days of nothing. And she had realized that there wouldn’t be any message. It was over._

_But Vanessa was so hopelessly in love and in a second’s decision she had decided that she didn’t want to have these feelings anymore. She didn’t want to feel miserable. She had gone into Mike’s room, searching for the drugs. She had been lucky, finding some pills and took them without thinking about it. They didn’t have alcohol at home, so she had went outside, going anywhere, not caring where._

_She had found some clubs and after some time and too many drinks there had been this guy. God, had she really given him a blowjob? She couldn’t remember much after that._

_Katya made a sound in her chair, obviously hurting her back while sleeping in this position. Vanessa groaned when trying to sit up further and Katya awoke by the sound._

_She was quick by her side. “Vanessa”, she said concerned, pushing her back into the pillow. “Stay in bed, you can’t get up.” “What happened?”, she asked when she lay in bed again. Her voice was raspier than normal and she hated how weak she sounded._

_Katya told her that she had found her behind one of the clubs. She had sat in an alley, nearly unconscious. “The doctor’s didn’t tell me what shit you’ve taken, but they had to empty your stomach completely. How could you do something so stupid? You could have died”, she said and it sounded really concerned._

_“I wanted to die”, Vanjie replied seriously, but she regretted it the minute she said it, cause it made tears fill Katya’s eyes. “Don’t you ever say that. Nothing in the world can be that bad that you rather die.” Vanessa looked down on her hands that were pierced with needles. “But Brooke doesn’t want me. She…” Tears began to run down her cheeks and Katya cried too. Nonetheless she bent forward, wiping away Vanjie’s tears from her face with a handkerchief she produced from somewhere._

_“That’s not true, Vanessa. She said she fucked up. She thinks that you will never want her back. Oh honey, she would freak out if she’d seen you like that in that alley.” The next few minutes Katya held Vanessa close, giving her as much comfort as she could, while they both tried to stop crying._

_“Do you want me to call her?”, Katya asked when Vanessa was able to breath normally again. She shook her head. “She will be too angry at me. Please don’t”, she said and Katya nodded. “Is there anyone else I can call?”, she then wanted to know. There wasn’t really someone. Vanessa didn’t want to go home and she also didn’t want any of her friends to know. Most of them didn’t have enough money to be able to fill their own stomachs and even if they did, Vanessa didn’t want them to see her like this._

_While they talked, Katya wrote to Trixie and told her what had happened. To her surprise, Trixie was still awake, answering immediately. ‘She can stay at mine. I want to make sure that she’s fine’, she wrote and Katya’s heart only turned a little bit more into the shape of Trixie. This woman was everything and she loved her so damn much._

_She told Vanessa about Trixie’s message and after a little bit of convincing her she finally said yes._

……………………………………………………………..

_Two days later Katya still wasn’t sure if she should tell Brooke or not. Vanessa was better and could go home as soon as Trixie would let her. She had even taken holidays to stay with her and make sure Vanessa was fine._

_Katya’s fingers twitched when she saw Brooke coming out of her dressing room, chatting with Alyssa. She looked as if everything was fine and it made Katya boil in anger. Because if she knew one thing, it was that Brooke was anything but fine. Therefore she knew her friend long enough. On the outside she was laughing and smiling but inside she was empty. Katya could see it when she danced. The fire she had had when being together with Vanessa had vanished, being replaced with a block of ice. The ice had been there after Frank too, but this time it was so big and so cold that it seemed impossible to melt it again. Brooke wore it like a shield in battle and maybe she was fighting indeed, although most people couldn’t see it._

_Katya didn’t tell her. Again she drove back to Trixie’s in the evening, confessing to her girlfriend that she couldn’t do it. The next day she helped Vanessa to get back into her shared flat. Mike was angry first, but then cried in relief that his friend was back. The other ones were glad too. They promised they would look for Vanessa and would make sure she wouldn’t do something stupid. “I have Russian friends and they will know if you don’t look for her properly”, Katya whispered to them before she left and by the looks on their faces, they believed her._

_But although Katya could be sure that she would be cared for, she knew that Vanessa wouldn’t get better if Brooke wouldn’t get her ass back to her. And it would be difficult, because Brook wouldn’t listen if she told her that Vanessa wanted her back indeed. She would only believe so when Vanessa told her. But of course Vanessa was the same. Damn lesbians!_

……………………………………………………………..

_It was only a few more days to Christmas when Alyssa finally left them for her next engagement. Brooke and Katya were in some shopping mall, getting presents for the holidays. Brooke wouldn’t go visit her parents, but she would send some gifts._

_“And you know I really shouldn’t get her something like this and-“, Katya stopped when she realized that Brooke wasn’t walking beside her anymore. She turned to see where her friend was. Brooke stood in front of a shop window, staring at some jewellery. Katya sighed and went back, having a look on what had caught her friend’s eye so much._

_Brooke’s eyes lingered on a golden necklace with an orange crystal heart. Her expression was unreadable though. “You should go and visit her”, Katya said, although she knew the answer already. “She doesn’t want me, Kat. Otherwise she would have called, wouldn’t she?” No, she wouldn’t cause she lay in hospital because of you and surely fell into depression, Katya wanted to scream at Brooke, but she didn’t. “I think you should make the first step. She wants you. I’m very sure of that.”_

_Brooke shook her head and finally turned away from the shop window. But although they continued their way through the mall, Katya felt as if Brooke was still standing in front of the shop._

……………………………………………………………..

 

It cost Brooke three more days, before she decided to buy the necklace. She knew it was hopeless. Vanessa hadn’t called her once since their argument and she knew it was over, but she wanted to apologize, even it was with something stupid like a necklace.

 

Anyway Brooke couldn’t convince herself to give it to her in person. Her fingers ghosted over Vanjie’s name on her phone several times, but Brooke simply couldn’t. So she wrapped the package in nice paper and went to Vanessa’s flat one afternoon before theatre and placed it inside the mailbox together with a letter in which she apologized for everything and that she was such a coward.

 

……………………………………………………………..

 

Christmas Eve came and with it Brooke’s last show for the year. She had free time until next year when they would start with a new production.

 

Katya already was on vacation since two days, being allowed to go earlier to visit her family. Trixie was with her and Brooke was very happy for her friend. She herself would be alone this Christmas, maybe having some drinks tomorrow and visiting some parties between the holidays.

 

When she went outside after the show, snow had started to fall, painting the world white. Brooke went around the corner of the theatre, starting her way to her apartment, jacket tight around her neck, when she stopped in light shock.

 

There in the street lamp’s light she stood, shuddering because of the cold and the much too thin coat. There were rings under her eyes as well as a thin red line as if she had been crying for days. Her hair danced in the wind and she seemed to be ready to run if Brooke wouldn’t want her.

 

But Brooke wanted her so bad, never having wanted something more in her whole live. She dropped her bag and ran and then Vanessa was in her arms and she was warm and fragile and Brooke could hear her sobs and feel her shaking while they held each other close.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”, Brooke whispered over and over again, kissing whatever part of Vanessa she could reach – her hair, her cheek, the corner of her mouth, her temple. “I was such an idiot. I’m sorry, Vanessa”, she said, pleaded. Vanessa searched for her lips and they kissed and it tasted salty and desperate and Brooke never wanted it to stop.

 

The wind got colder while it pulled at their coats and Brooke finally let go. “Let’s go home”, she said and took her things and hugged Vanessa close when they started for her flat.

 

She had lost a lot of weight, Brooke could tell as soon as the coat was gone and Vanessa was sitting at her sofa. “Please, never leave me”, Vanessa said after a while, the first thing she said that evening. Her usually loud voice sounded small and made her seem even more fragile. And maybe she was and Brooke felt so much worse.

 

She sat down next to her on the sofa. “I can’t promise you that”, she said honestly after a moment. And she knew that Vanessa knew that as well, because she nodded. “But I love you, Vanessa. I always will. Is it enough that I promise you that?”

 

Vanessa looked up at her and nodded again, a tiny smile on her face. And all Brooke wanted to do was kiss her, but she didn’t know if that was okay. “Can I kiss you right now?”, she therefore asked and she would be embarrassed about how desperate she sounded, if she cared in that moment. Vanjie nodded once more and Brooke leaned in and kissed her.

 

It felt as if fire ran through her body and she held Vanessa so tight that she surely couldn’t breathe anymore, but Vanessa held her as close as well and they both drank in the heat and love the other one gave them.

 

When they slept with each other that night it was slow and careful, both afraid that the other one would run away any minute. It was the gentlest sex Brooke had ever had in her live and when she held Vanessa close afterwards, framing her little body with hers, she felt how her heart was heavy and she wanted to cry.

 

She hadn’t cried all those weeks since their argument, had been strong and cool like the ice queen she had been called so often in her life. But now that she had Vanessa back, she felt how the tears ran down her cheeks and fell onto Vanessa’s neck.

 

“I love you so much”, she whispered, voice thick and Vanjie turned, placing a tender kiss on her lips. And it didn’t need words, for Brooke knew that Vanessa loved her too and that she would never leave her, as long as Brooke let her be at her side.

 

……………………………………………………………..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings:   
> Angst, arguments, splitting up, drugs and using too many of them, mention of suicide-thoughts 
> 
>  
> 
> For those people who wondered about Alyssa: I just needed some other Drag Queen who can dance and of course she came to my mind first. I just want to make clear, that I love her dearly and I don't want to read any hate against her in the comments. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave Kudos and Comments - they make me live! :3 
> 
> You can also scream at me on Tumblr: https://blackhellkitty.tumblr.com/


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